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June 20, 2012
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I always used to hate when people looked at me. I wished to be invisible, tried to be like everyone else. It never worked. Why me? What´s wrong with me?

Why do people always give labels to others? We have name, you know. Isn´t it enough? But how often do you really get called by your name? "Hey, you on left. Hello, pretty girl. Look, the nerds are coming." It´s more like this.

And there´s nowhere to run. Nowhere except-

I speeded my steps up so much that I was almost running.

What are you running from? Do you really think that you can escape?

When did it start? When I started to run? Was it in the kindergarten? Kids used to laugh that I´m fat. Kids are cruel. They don´t understand how words can hurt. It´s not their fault, they say kids would grow up. But do they? I grew and childish roundness disappeared. Yet kids kept laughing. What´s wrong with me? Why do they laugh?

You´re a nerd. Bookworm. Swat. Why don´t you wear thick round glasses like other nerds?

It hurt and I tried to run.

Stupid emo. Look at him. Wearing all black. What´s he thinking?

Why? Why is it so hard to escape labels? Why is there nowhere to run? What´s wrong with me?

You´re gay. Oh, God. Your father was weird but I´d never thought. That´s disgusting. Sick. Such a shame. You´re such a shame.

What´s wrong with me? I tried to run, but there was nowhere to. I ran until I stopped at the edge of abyss. And now, I´m here.

Come. Just few more steps. Great. Just one more. Good boy. And now, final little step. Do it.

What? What should I do? I didn´t do anything bad. I don´t want to-

Do it. Now! What are you waiting for? Just do it and everything will be all right. You´ll be all right.

But why? What´s wrong with me? I´m standing at the edge of the abyss. Nothing then darkness is in front of me. Why? Why am I here?

Come. Just one more step and everything will be all right.

I´m scared. I look behind me to see people standing there, watching me with cold, cruel eyes. What´s wrong with me?

Do it. Come. Do it!

I look back to the abyss. Darkness looks so calming. I know what are the voices asking me to do. I know it now, as well as I know that the tears taste salty. Did you know? Tears taste salty.

One more look to the crowd behind. They´re still standing there. Their faces are hard, the empty eyes locked on me. Blind. Those eyes are blind, they don´t see me, but labels I wear. They don´t see ME.

I shouldn´t be here. I-I have something to do. I run to the crowd, right through it. It´s hard, because they´re standing so close to each other and there are so many of them. But I keep pushing through as fast as I can. Right to the stage where the band is ready to play. Not yet.

Guitarist gives me a hand and pulls me up. "You´re late," he says kissing my cheek. "What´s wrong?"

What´s wrong with you? Everything. You´re all wrong.

I shook my head. "Nothing" I say and he pushes me to microphone. "All right. We can start."

Crowd is watching me again, but this time there´s only expectation in their eyes. What´s wrong with me? Nothing.

Everything.

Nothing.

Scream shout I love it loud
I feel the need to stand out in the crowd
Nothing´s wrong with me (nothing´s wrong with me)
Freak out and stand my ground
Nothing in the world is gonna keep me down
Nothing´s wrong with me

I can smile and I let it be
´Cause I know that nothing´s wrong with me
Wrong with me

Scream shout I love it loud
I feel the need to stand out in the crowd
Nothing´s wrong with me (nothing´s wrong with me)
Freak out and stand my ground
Nothing in the world is gonna keep me down
Nothing´s wrong with me (nothing´s wrong with me)
Nothing´s wrong with me (nothing´s wrong with me)
Nothing´s wrong with me
My entry for :iconfreedom-from-words: contest: fav.me/d51wmth

theme: Song: Nothing Wrong With Me (part of its text is used in story, the text doesn´t belong to me but to righteous owners)
It´s really great song, I can only recommend you listening it at least one time.

As English isn´t my native language, please pardon any grammar mistakes.
Also if you read and like it, please leave comment or at least fav. It means a lot. Thanks.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconsonamyfan362:
Very powerful stuff. You're very deep in your writing. I can tell you've got the talent.

There is a lot of thought into this poem, as there are many philosophical things you're talking about, in this poem/story.

I agree that labelling isn't the best thing for humans.

-> Why? Why it´s so hard to escape labels? Why is there nowhere to run? What´s wrong with me? <-

However, I have a curiosity. The poem is written in both, the past and present tenses. Which tense do you intend to write the poem/story?

I always hated when people looked at me. I wished to be invisible, tried to be like others. It never worked. Why me? What´s wrong with me? <- Past tense.

I´m scared. I look behind me to see people standing there, watching me with cold, cruel eyes. What´s wrong with me? <- Present tense. We usually don't mix them up. That's the only thing that doesn't quite feel right in the poem/story.

Other than the tenses, though, this is very good stuff.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
4 out of 4 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconbiscuitdude:
This is a great topic to cover, even if it may not be wholly original, I can see what you're attempting to convey here. Labelling is common, no matter where you look. From when you're in school and even up to adulthood. I also detect hints of succumbing to peer pressure as well. It's all factors involved when growing up.

I can feel the emotions you're portraying here and some of it is very strong. This is mostly down to your effective vocabulary and how the two 'voices' are argumentative with each other. I'll admit I've been victim to such labelling as you've narrated here so I feel like I can relate to this. People used to call me a nerd and the way you've progressed the story reflects the sort of attitude one should adopt when being victimised in such a way - we are all individuals. 'I am me.' Even the title conveys this just as well: 'There is nothing wrong with me.'

When I did read this through I debated whether or not English was your native language, so I'm glad I read the description before I did this critique. Regardless, I'm impressed by your vocabulary and I could still understand what you were trying to convey through it.

I will say it would be beneficial to see if someone fluent in English would be able to proof-read your work before finalising it. Not only would this help you improve your understanding, but also benefit future readers, allowing them to get more absorbed in your work. Because, honestly, that's the only major flaw that could potentially cause problems in the future.

This is entirely my interpretation and opinion, so do as you will. I do feel you've certainly got some potential and this work certainly reinforces that notion.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
4 out of 4 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconaquiliris:
Aquiliris Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Takže... první, co mě na téhle povídce zaujalo je, že je to příběh nabitý emocemi. Je v něm hodně pravdy, protože takové ty nálepky jsou něco, s čím se asi každý z nás denně potýká. Lidé mají sklon soudit podle prvního dojmu, aniž by pořemýšleli nad tím, co je pod povrchem, a kdo nejde přímo "se stádem", ten je považován za podovného, ať už do jakéhokoli směru. Mimoto se mi zde líbí styl jakéhosi rozhovoru dvou hlasů, a také závěr se zajímavým rozuzlením. Moc pěkná práce a také pěkná angličtina, což je něco, s čím má problém řada autorů... včetně mě. :D
Reply
:iconlulu-illussions:
lulu-illussions Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
ďakujem za komentár:) som rada, že sa ti poviedka páčila a že jej odkaz je na prvý pohľad zrejmý. Inak, vďaka, že sa ti páči moja angličtina, robím čo môžem. Dosť mi pomáha dávať prekaldy sem na da, lebo potom sa ľudia čo vedia anglicky sťažujú na chyby a tak viem čo robím zle. Je to vlastne celkom dobrý tréning:)
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:iconsealyanphoenix:
Sealyanphoenix Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Here is your RATE MY WORK poll from :iconfav-o-rama:

[link]
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:iconmarie-esther:
Marie-Esther Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Very nice and thought-provoking, I like how you managed to stick to the theme of the song and develop it in your whole prose, little by little until it reaches its climax. I also like how you managed to quote in your writing all the stereotypical labels of childhood and teen age years. surreal the whole imagery looks like. I see English is not your native language, I am sure that if you wrote it in Slovak, you would have added much more figures of speech and so on, but you did a very good job nonetheless :)
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:iconlulu-illussions:
lulu-illussions Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
thank you for your thoughtfull comment. I´m really glad that you find this story interesting.
Yes, I´d probably use different phrases in Slovak, but I´m still satisfied with result. :)
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:iconyokoky:
YOKOKY Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Professional General Artist
excellent poetry-you are a very special artist- my friend !thanks for the fav...kiss
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:iconlulu-illussions:
lulu-illussions Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
thank you for your comment, I really appreciate it:D
also thanks for compliment, I´m glad that you like my works:hug::heart:
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:iconyokoky:
YOKOKY Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2012  Professional General Artist
you are so talented- llamma on the way to you ....kissssssssssssss
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:iconliivfer:
liivfer Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2012
very nice contest entry and work of art.
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:iconlulu-illussions:
lulu-illussions Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
thank you. I´m glad that you like it:D
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