Sta.sh
I always hated when people looked at me. I wished to be invisible, tried to be like others. It never worked. Why me? What´s wrong with me?
Why do people always give labels to others? We have name, you know. Isn´t it enough? But how often you get really called by your name? "Hey, you on left. Hello, pretty girl. Look, the nerds are coming," it´s more like this.
And there´s nowhere to run. Nowhere except-
I speeded my step so much I was almost running.
What are you running from? Do you really think you can escape?
When did it start? When I started to run? Was it in the kindergarten? Kids used to laugh that I´m fat. Kids are cruel. They don´t understand how words can hurt. It´s not their fault, they say kids would grow up. But do they? I grew and childish roundness disappeared. Yet kids kept laughing. What´s wrong with me? Why do they laugh?
You´re nerd. Bookworm. Swat. Why don´t you wear thick round glasses like other nerds?
It hurt and I tried to run.
Stupid emo. Look at him. Wearing all black. What´s he thinking?
Why? Why it´s so hard to escape labels? Why is there nowhere to run? What´s wrong with me?
You´re gay. Oh, God. Your father was weird but I´d never thought. That´s disgusting. Ill. Such a shame. You´re such a shame.
What´s wrong with me? I tried to run, but there was nowhere to. I stopped at the edge of abyss.
Come. Just few more steps. Great. One more. Good boy. And now final little step. Do it.
What? What should I do? I didn´t do anything bad. I don´t want to-
Do it. Now. What are you waiting for? Just do it and everything will be all right. You´ll be all right.
But why? What´s wrong with me? I´m standing at the edge of abyss. Nothing then darkness is in front of me. Why? Why am I here?
Come. Just one more step and everything will be all right.
I´m scared. I look behind me to see people standing there, watching me with cold, cruel eyes. What´s wrong with me?
Do it. Come. Do it!
I look back to abyss. Darkness looks so calming. I know what are voices asking me to do. I know it now, as well as I know that tears taste salty. Did you know? Tears taste salty. What´s wrong with me?
One more look to crow behind. They´re still standing there. Their faces are hard, empty eyes locked on me. Blind. Those eyes are blind, they don´t see me, but labels I wear. They don´t see ME.
I shouldn´t be here. I-I have something to do. I run to crowd, right through it. It´s hard, because they´re standing so close to each other and there are so many of them. But I keep pushing through as fast as I can. Right to stage where band is ready to play. Not yet.
Guitarist gives me hand and pulls me up. "You´re late," he says kissing my cheek. "What´s wrong?"
What´s wrong with you? Everything. You´re all wrong.
I shook my head. "Nothing" I say and he pushes me to microphone. "All right. We can start."
Crowd is watching me again, but this time there´s only expectation in their eyes. What´s wrong with me? Nothing.
Everything.
Nothing.
Scream shout I love it loud
I feel the need to stand out in the crowd
Nothing´s wrong with me (nothing´s wrong with me)
Freak out and stand my ground
Nothing in the world is gonna keep me down
Nothing´s wrong with me
I can smile and I let it be
´Cause I know that nothing´s wrong with me
Wrong with me
Scream shout I love it loud
I feel the need to stand out in the crowd
Nothing´s wrong with me (nothing´s wrong with me)
Freak out and stand my ground
Nothing in the world is gonna keep me down
Nothing´s wrong with me (nothing´s wrong with me)
Nothing´s wrong with me (nothing´s wrong with me)
Nothing´s wrong with me
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som rada, že sa ti poviedka páčila a že jej odkaz je na prvý pohľad zrejmý. Inak, vďaka, že sa ti páči moja angličtina, robím čo môžem. Dosť mi pomáha dávať prekaldy sem na da, lebo potom sa ľudia čo vedia anglicky sťažujú na chyby a tak viem čo robím zle. Je to vlastne celkom dobrý tréning
I can feel the emotions you're portraying here and some of it is very strong. This is mostly down to your effective vocabulary and how the two 'voices' are argumentative with each other. I'll admit I've been victim to such labelling as you've narrated here so I feel like I can relate to this. People used to call me a nerd and the way you've progressed the story reflects the sort of attitude one should adopt when being victimised in such a way - we are all individuals. 'I am me.' Even the title conveys this just as well: 'There is nothing wrong with me.'
When I did read this through I debated whether or not English was your native language, so I'm glad I read the description before I did this critique. Regardless, I'm impressed by your vocabulary and I could still understand what you were trying to convey through it.
I will say it would be beneficial to see if someone fluent in English would be able to proof-read your work before finalising it. Not only would this help you improve your understanding, but also benefit future readers, allowing them to get more absorbed in your work. Because, honestly, that's the only major flaw that could potentially cause problems in the future.
This is entirely my interpretation and opinion, so do as you will. I do feel you've certainly got some potential and this work certainly reinforces that notion.
There is a lot of thought into this poem, as there are many philosophical things you're talking about, in this poem/story.
I agree that labelling isn't the best thing for humans.
-> Why? Why it´s so hard to escape labels? Why is there nowhere to run? What´s wrong with me? <-
However, I have a curiosity. The poem is written in both, the past and present tenses. Which tense do you intend to write the poem/story?
I always hated when people looked at me. I wished to be invisible, tried to be like others. It never worked. Why me? What´s wrong with me? <- Past tense.
I´m scared. I look behind me to see people standing there, watching me with cold, cruel eyes. What´s wrong with me? <- Present tense. We usually don't mix them up. That's the only thing that doesn't quite feel right in the poem/story.
Other than the tenses, though, this is very good stuff.
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