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October 19, 2012
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Nico slowly walked along the tombstones. Cold breath of the night made him pull coat closer to his body. "You´re late," said voice behind him. He turned sharply. "I'm sorry. I had some duties." Woman with beautiful blond hair jumped down from low wall. In light, quick step, she went to Nico.

"Nobody followed?" She asked tenderly stroking his face. Nico shook his head. "You said it was urgent. What happened?" Woman´s features hardened. "The Vatican has gone mad," she whispered. "They want war." "No," breathed Nico and grabbed her hand. "Stella, it can´t-"

"It's true," she said sharply. "They sent us a declaration of war. I saw it. Tomorrow... Today at midnight it´ll begin." Both of them involuntarily looked at watches. It was quarter to eleven.

"What does this mean for us?" Nico asked worriedly. "We can´t yet..." Stella shook her head and sat down on one of the tombstones. "This wasn´t supposed happen," she whispered bitterly. Nico sat down to her and hugged her. "You can´t stop it?"

Stella laughed. "Stop? How?" Bitterness in her voice was darker than night. "They want war. They, not us. How could we affect that?" Nico gently stroked her cheek and took her face in his hands. "Stella ..." he said softly, enjoying the taste of her name on the tongue. "We can´t give up so easily."

"Easily? We have to meet secretly on abandoned places. Do you feel that it was easy so far?" Thoughtfully, she tilted her head to side and narrowed her eyes. "And maybe you're right. I can´t imagine how we are going to meet after tomorrow." With a sigh, she leaned towards him and kissed her lover.

"We won´t be able to meet," she whispered, stroking his lips with her own, then his jaw. "Stella ..." Nico grabbed her shoulders and pulled back a bit, so he could look into her eyes. The woman just shook her head. "We can´t do anything. Just fight." "You said you don´t want the war," said Nico confused.

Stella laughed and pushed him on his back. "Only fools want war," she said. "They think they can win. Who knows... " Nico frowned and put his hands on her thighs. "You think that you´re going to win?" Stella shrugged. "Maybe. But nobody knows. Maybe we´ll lose, "she said excitedly.

Pride is one of the deadly sins. Or sin of mortals? Humans want war because they believe they will win. They don´t want it, because they doubt.

"Are you cold?" She asked suddenly in completely different tone. "Not really," said Nico. "You should be," Stella continued thoughtfully. "I see how you breath condenses to steam." Nico shrugged. "Your company is worthy it."

Blonde bent to him. "You're right, we shouldn´t waste the little time that remains to us." With a sigh, she kiss him on the lips and throat. Nico shivered and was glad he can pretend that it  was caused by cold, not by an old ancestral instinct, which commanded him to flee from danger. However, it turned out that his girlfriend wasn´t the only threat around.

Nico barely spotted a man who suddenly appeared next to them, Stella jumped up  much faster than any human could and growled at the incomer. Nico also got up, although much more slowly.

"Oh, please," laughed stranger and raised hands peacefully. "Calm down, Stella." "Get out," she hissed. "Come on. I´m here only to send you to the queen." Man looked friendly, but Nico shivered from the coldness in his eyes. Do not look them in the eye, he scolded himself in mind and lowered his gaze.

"I see you have company," said a man towards Nico. "Would you share?" He asked and his eyes glowed. Scary sound came from Stella´s throat and stranger growled back at her. Nico retreated quietly, trying to guess who is the stronger of the two. Vampires are possessive. They don´t like to share. If the man really wanted to taste, it could lead to fight.

Fortunately, stranger realized that too. He straightened from the offensive pose and scornfully twisted his lips. "Chill out, I was just joking," he said indifferently. "Just  dealt with it quickly. The queen wants to talk to you before the war."

With those words he turned and disappeared in supernatural speed. Two sharp heartbeats later he was gone and Nico he could exhale. At least as long as Stella didn´t turn to him. Crystal blue of her eyes disappeared and it was replaced by the radiant glow of the fire. Restlessly, she tilted her head to one side and sniffled. "He's gone," stated.

"Your friend?" asked Nico and nervously smoothed his coat. "Not really. But I know him," she said. "You need to leave now?" Stella shook her head. "After the war starts, I won´t see you anymore. I´m not going to miss the last bit of time-"At that moment, Nico pulled the trigger.

Sound of the shot echoed the abandoned cemetery. Stella looked down when the barrel of gun moved from her abdomen to the chest. The second shot hit her in the heart. If vampires have any, Nico thought coldly. With the eyes wide open, she dropped to his knees and crumbled to dust.

Nico took cellphone from his pocket and pressed the speed dial. "Hello!" "Brother Marcus?" "Speaking. Is everything all right, Father Nicolas?" Nico looked down on a pile of clothes and ashes. "Yes. Loss of confidante at this time will be difficult for the Queen." Hopefully difficult enough to want revenge.

"That's good," said the voice on the other side with a sigh of relief. "So I should wait for you at the destined place?" "Yes," agreed Nico. "Although it´ll probably take me more time to-oh!"

Vampire who has just left stormed from darkness at Nico. Apparently, he hadn´t gone far enough not to hear the shot, thought Nico. When vampire jumped on his neck, he stuck between his teeth gun that he was holding all the time.

When they both fell backwards, Nico pulled the trigger. He landed alone in a flurry of dust. Impact on hard ground took his breath away for a moment, but he didn´t release the weapon. He coughed and anxiously listened to the silence. It seemed, however, that no other vampires were around.

Nico coughed heavily again and lifted himself to his knees. By free hand, he raised cellphone, which he dropped in the fall. "Hello?" Breath of relief came as reply. "Father Nicolas! What happened? "Nico pulled from his pocket a box of ammo. "Only a small inconvenience," he said, refilling the gun reservoir. "Meet me under the agreement," he said, and hung up.

"You were wrong," he said in the direction to where Stella had stand. "War doesn´t start at midnight. It has already begun. "
contest entry for :iconthe-creative-writer: contest [link]

theme: Beginning of war

Leave a comment with your opinions, please! Iīll appreciate it a lot:D

English isnīt my native language so please excuse any possible grammar mistakes (and feel free to correct them).
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:iconsonamyfan362:
The story is very tense, especially between Nico and Stella. Very well written, in general.

However, a few things required me to step back and re-read to fully comprehend.

Example 1:
"So I should wait for you at the destined place?" <- Comma missing. Usually, when we begin a word with "So", in this case, we pause. There are a few other places in the story that have a missing comma inside the dialogue.
The fix:"So, I should wait for you at the destined place?"

Example 2:
"Your friend?" asked Nico and nervously smoothed his coat. "Not really. But I know him," she said. "You need to leave now?" Stella shook her head. "After the war starts, I won´t see you anymore. I´m not going to miss the last bit of time-"At that moment, Nico pulled the trigger.

Sound of the shot echoed the abandoned cemetery. Stella looked down when the barrel of gun moved from her abdomen to the chest. The second shot hit her in the heart. If vampires have any, Nico thought coldly. With the eyes wide open, she dropped to his knees and crumbled to dust. <- So, who ends up shot? Stella? I honestly have no idea as to what happened. However, that's what I'm feeling happened. If I misunderstood it, I do apologize for miscomprehension.

Example 3:

"You were wrong," he said in the direction to where Stella had stand. "War doesn´t start at midnight. It has already begun. " <- Is Nico saying that he now hates Stella? And, how did Stella come back, if she got shot? Or, are vampires immortal? If they're immortal, you might want to input that fact somewhere inside the story.

However, despite the few hiccups, this was good read.
What do you think?
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4 out of 4 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconshadztow:
Shadztow Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Here's my opinion! (Sorry for the late response D: )

HOLY COW!!! :O I was thrilled and anxious of what was going to happem next!! Omg, I really loved it A LOT, very very good story line and characters and all, omg, I'm speechless... However I must say that there are some parts in which the conjugation of the words don't really match (well at least for me in some parts..), the rest is just fine, you really managed to keep the vampires hidden for the whole story until the best part of the story, at first I thought it was a civil war or something... Wow indeed very good job :)
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:iconlulu-illussions:
lulu-illussions Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
THANK YOU!!!!

Thank you, your opinion means a lot to me. Iīm so happy that youo like it:squee:
Yes, English isnīt my native language so there might be some grammar mistakes, but Iīm still happy that you like it:)
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:iconshadztow:
Shadztow Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're very welcome :D Oh don't worry it's alright, English isn't my native language either :P We tend to make some mistakes :3
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:iconsouls-of-fire:
Souls-of-Fire Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
This is good. I really like the story line and the twist in there was great add to the story. There's a few little grammar mistakes that world help the readers to understand whats going on more. Though they can be easily fixed and you just need a bit of practice. Keep writing, you are really good. :)

~Souls
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:iconlulu-illussions:
lulu-illussions Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, iīm glad that you like my writing:hug:
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:iconsouls-of-fire:
Souls-of-Fire Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
You're welcome. :)
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